Henchman with Fionna and Cake
by mari.jorma
Summary: Fionna takes the place of Marshall Lee's henchman, and she finds out how hard it is to obey his strange ways. (Genderswap of S01XE22)


"Here I go!" I shouted, practicing my parkour on a dragon's skeleton, "Yeaaaaah!" I ended up in a pile of bones in the ditch. Cake laughed, but she wasn't too crazy about playing in monster's bones, even though I think it's pretty rad.

We crawled out of the ditch and lay in the grass, gazing up at the night sky. We were both out of breath from our hardcore heroine training. The forest was silent for the moments we relaxed, until we heard a cry echo off of the trees. I gasped, "What the math was that? Someone needs our help!"

"Let's roll," Cake nodded. We ran to where we heard the scream, my adrenaline was pumping but Cake shot me a warning glance. We saw two dark figured in the moonlight and crouched behind some bushes. A tall boy wearing striped pants and a dark shirt was chiding an old woman,

"What is it about "henchman for life" that you don't understand?"

"Oh, come on, please," the old lady whimpered, her voice sounded so drained.

As soon as I heard his voice, I gasped quietly, "Oh Glob. It's Marshall Lee the Vampire King." Cake's fur frizzed out as she cringed in fear, hissing softly.

The old woman, withered and saggy, begged, "Can't you find the compassion to release this poor old body?" I frowned, _Holy stuff! I can't just let this happen, poor lady. _

Marshall just rolled his eyes and gave a wicked grin, "Henchman for life means, henchman for life."

I whispered, "You still petrified of vampires?" I looked over and Cake's head sunk into her body so she looked like a vase. She mumbled,

"No...I'm not..." Her shaking made the lie obvious.

I looked back over, Marshall pointed to the the ground and commanded, "Fall on the ground for me!"

The old woman in rags quietly obeyed, "Yes, master." She collapsed onto the ground, dropping walking stick.

"Now cry for me," the vampire ordered arrogantly.

The woman looked up at Marshall with big, empty eyes, "Okay. I don't want to cry, but I shall cry for you." She laid her face in the grass and sobbed. Marshall put his hands on his hips and watched with a frown. _You sick freak, _I growled in my head. I couldn't take it anyone. I jumped from out of the bushes and cried,

"Hey! Cut that out!" Cake and I ran to the woman's side to check if she was okay.

Marshall purred with a cocked eyebrow, " Oh! If it isn't my favorite little goodie-two-shoes, Fionna." I squatted down next to the woman and glared at him,

"Stop making this poor old chick cry!"

He snorted mockingly. "I can make her do _whatever I want,_" he grinned, "Watch. Henchman, amuse me."

The henchman pulled herself off the ground, her bones crackling, and balanced herself on her walking stick. I put my hands up to catch her if she fell. She groaned and struggled. "Stop it!" I shouted.

He just shook his head and twirled his finger, "Now, hop around in a circle." The poor lady obeyed, but the tip of her walking stick broke and she fell. She groaned in pain on the ground. I could feel my heart guts twisting, I helped her sit up,

"Oh, no. Don't worry, miss. I'll see to it you get set free."

Marshall flipped his shaggy hair, "Oh, and how're ya gonna pull _that_ off, hero?"

I lifted my hand in a fist of justice and shook it at him, "I'll do what I need to. I'll even take her place!"

Cake gasped, "Girl! What? No!"

The vampire rose his brows in surprise and asked, "Do you mean it?"

"Uh, well.." I looked over at the woman, sweat and tears stained her wrinkled face. I knew what needed to be done. I couldn't just let this little old cutie suffer like this. "Heck yeah!"

A wicked smile grew and his eyes widened, "Deal! Old henchman, you're free."

The woman laughed and leapt away into the forest babbling to herself in excitement. I smiled a little, she was free. Cake's face was filled with horror, "What're you doin', baby?"

"Hey, Cake," Marshall whispered sweetly, we looked over and his face morphed into a nightmarish monster. Cake squealed like a baby pig and hid in my hat. I looked up at her and whispered,

"I couldn't watch that old girl suffer, Cake. My code of honor _wouldn't _allow it."

Marshall scoffed and mocked me, "Oh, my code of honor wouldn't allow it."

Cake hissed and jumped out of my hat, "Hey!"

"Yes, Cake," he suddenly morphed into a werewolf and growled, "What would you like to talk about?"

She screamed and went back to her hiding spot, she whispered to me, "I wanna help you outta this, sis, but... he scares the filling out of my doughnut. Let's just go!"

I shook my head, "As a hero, I'm bound by my word." Marshall snatched me into the air, Cake toppled out of my hat and cried up to us as we flew into the night sky,

"Don't worry, honey, I'll figure something out!

We flew in silence, Marshall had me by my backpack and he grinned, "You're a lucky girl, Fionna. Your first job as henchman is to help me feed."

I gasped and looked up at him but said to myself, "Feed?! What does he mean? L-Like, like, oats? Like, sentient beings, or oats?! It doesn't matter! I can handle it!"

A little cottage in a swamp between two hills came into sight. Marshall swooped down and plopped me on the ground. He floated towards the door, pull me along by my wrist. I frowned, _Where the math is this going?_ I heard music playing softly inside, it was piano. I heard a woman's voice float along with the song. I bit my lip and Marshall whispered in my ear, his cold breath giving me goosebumps, "Sounds like dinner. Fionna, open the door."

I rose my hand but I couldn't do it. He hissed, "Open it already!" I whirled around to face him and yelled,

"No way, Marshall! I'm not gonna open this door if innocent people will be hurt!"

He crossed his arms, "Aren't you bound by your word to do as I say, hero?"

"I..." I sighed and walked towards the door again, "Yes."

I opened the door, the draft blew out the candles in the house. The woman gasped and I frowned apologetically, "Sorry about this." She screamed and I looked away.

"Hold her down," Marshall commanded.

I sighed, and grabbed the unresisting woman. She trembled but laid down the floor, I held her there by her shoulder. He laughed and asked, "Are you enjoying this, Fionna?"

"No!" I growled between clenched teeth. He just laughed but saw something in the window and morphed himself into a lizard-like monster to scare it away. _It was probably Cake, _I thought. I heard her shout as she ran away,

"I'm not running away, Fionna! This is just part of my plan!"

The curly haired woman looked up at me with sad, blue eyes and begged, "Please, human girl, let me go."

I felt guilty sweat drip down my face, "I'm sorry, ma'am. I'm bound by my code of honor to do what he says."

She closed her eyes and nodded, "I understand, miss. I was married myself once." A single tear dripped from her right eye.

"Wait, wait, I'm not married to—"

Marshall groaned, "Ugh! Enough talking! Dinner is served!" He pulled back and hissed, lunging for the woman's throat. I pulled her away from him and cried,

"No!" I pulled the man behind me, unable to fight back my righteous instincts_. I mean, I'll slay anything that's evil. That's my deal. But how can I work for the root of all unrighteous evilness?_

Marshall glared at me with glowing eyes, "How dare you, henchman?! I _order_ you to let me feed!" Red beams shot out from his fingertips and shocked my hands. I screamed as the magic twisted my arms and made them immobile. He lunged for the woman once more and I heard her scream.

"No!" I cried, but Marshall pushed his hair to the side to show me what he was really doing. He was sucking the redness out of her scarf. He gave me a crooked smile,

"Mmm. That red scarf was delicious."

"Huh?" My arms uncurled and I rushed over to the woman's side, she seemed alright.

"What's wrong, Fionna?" He beamed at me in the most innocent way.

I stammered, "I... I thought you were—"

The woman gasped, "Oh, my! A white scarf? Thank you so much. This is so beautiful..." She fainted from all of the shock peacefully.

I couldn't wrap my head around it, "B-but...Marshall..."

"What? You know I eat the color red sometimes," he winked at me with a crooked smirk.

"Oh...yeah...okay."_ What the math is this guy's deal? _

He laughed, "Come on, let's go." He grabbed my hand, pulled me off the cold floor and out into the dark night. "Ready?" I nodded and he whisked me up into the sky.

Marshall looked down at me and chuckled, "We've got plenty more evil to do."

_Man... What's _wrong_ with this dude? I can't tell if he's messin' with me, or... or what, _I thought to myself.

"Hey, Fionna. You thinkin' about how that lady wasn't wearing a bra?"

"What? No!" _Why would he even say that?_

"I'm just joking, take it easy." He swooped down and landed us in the graveyard. I shuddered, it felt eerie and smelt nasty. Seeing my unsettled expression, he squeezed my hand, "I know this place seems a little dead, but don't worry. It'll soon be undead." I whimpered as he released my hand and closed his eyes. He flexed his fingers and spoke into the night air, "Corpses buries in mud that's black, from death I command you to come back!"

The headstones rattled and skeletal limbs emerged from the earth, they mumbled to each other as they escaped their crypts. I shuddered tried to muster my inner hero, Marshall chuckled, "Are you ready to lead an evil army of the undead?"

"Never," I tried to shout, but a skeletal hand grabbed my bum and I shrieked, "Okay! I'll do it." From the distance I saw Cake sprint at Marshall with a wooden stake in her paws, she yelled her war cry. I gasped and he asked,

"Huh? What's that noise?" He turned around but Cake had shrunk down to about the size of a mouse and scampered away. I just shook my head,

"Where the zip are we taking these guys?"

"We're to pay the residents of the Duchy of Nuts a little visit." I pursed my lips and Marshall nodded. We lead the army for about a mile. My legs began to ache, but the breeze made it a little more bearable.

Marshall and I hadn't spoken the whole journey, until the dukedom came into view. He whispered, "Excited to hear the wild screams of an entire castle?"

I snorted, and decided to fake submission, "Haha, aw, yeah, that sounds bombastic, honey! Hey, I'm gonna run up ahead and scout it out for you, sugar!" I sprinted down the road and knocked vigorously on the door.

Lisby, the Cashew Maidservant, answered wearing a party hat and covered in confetti, "Yeeeeeees? Duke and Duchess of Nuts' residence!"

I frantically warned him, panting a little, "My boss is gonna sack your castle!"

"Oh! That's certainly bad news for us!" From the ballroom, the Duke called out,

" Lisby! Who's at the door?"

She turned and called to the Duchess, "Someone who wishes to sack the nut castle!"

I looked over to the Duchess, holding her baby in her arms, and she cried in shock, "Why would you want to sack my nut castle on my second daughter's first birthday? SEIZE HER!"

The nut guards put their weapons to my throat and I shouted, "No! Listen! You hear that?! My master is marching here with his army of the undead!"

"Ooh! How wonderful!" she exclaimed.

"Listen to me!" I begged. I heard the bony trot come down the cobblestone path, the skeletons walked right past me in the doorway and I shrieked, "EVERYBODY! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

Then I heard a familiar chuckle above my head. I looked up to see Marshall floating around the ceiling with his axe-bass, "I wrote this next song about a mermaid..."

"_I love the cute little way you swim,_

_I wanna see you drown, baby girl,_

_Hear your farewell hymn._

_I wanna see you drown, baby girl,_

_Hear your farewell hymn."_

"Don't do this, Marshall," I begged. He landed on the floor,

"Don't do what?' The Duchess rushed to him with a smile,

"You're late, Marshall Lee! My daughter has been _dying_ to hear your undead music!" The little baby giggled and Marshall smiled. I was gobsmacked,

"What the huh?"

Lisby giggled, "Oh, I forgot! Marshall Lee is playing tonight!"

The "army" rushed in and everyone cheering. Everyone started _dancing_ like this junk was totes normal. I stood by the door trying to figure this stuff out,

"Okay... So, he makes things _seem_ bad, a-and then... or-or his personality makes them seem bad, or... I'm over-reacting."

"Hey!" Lisby called out to me and danced on over, "Why are you thinking so hard? Just party hard!" I thought about it and some skeletons came over to start grinding it up with me.

"Hmmm. Alright!" I laughed and danced with the bony gents. Marshall looked over at me dancing and came on over,

"Hey, castle crasher," he purred.

"Hey, Marshall." He was holding something in his hand but it was covered with a rag. He glanced down at it and then back up at me,

"You like cute things, right?"

"Uh, yeah, sure. Why?"

"Then you might _love_ this," he took the rag off and showed me a potted plant...a plant with a baby face, "The cutest dimple plant ever!"

"Oh my gosh! Whoa. That's radical, dude." I squeezed the yellow plant's cottony cheeks. It smiled and batted its thick eyelashes at me.

Marshall plucked a jelly bean off the plant and handed it to me, "Here, eat some of its fruit. See what happens."

"Okay," I giggled and took the fruit. I popped it in my mouth and it tasted one of Gumball's candy soaps. When I swallowed it I felt a twitch on my face, "It's a dimple, Marshall! Look!"

He nodded, "Okay, henchman, now... I need you to do something." There was nothing devious in his voice, for once.

"Sure, what is it?"

He slowly stroked the plant's face, "I want you to take this dimple plant outside, and _kill it_." His expression grew grave and my jaw dropped,

"Are you flippin' serious? What?"

He picked up his instrument, "Use my axe-bass."

I tentatively took it and went outside. I set the cute plant on the ground and stared at the guitar with it's glistening, sharpened edges, "I'm gonna murder you, little guy. I'm not totes sure why, but I'm sure this will _end _happy..." I lifted the axe above my head but I froze up. It cooed and smiled at me. It's sparkling eyes trusted me. _I'm a hero, not an executioner._ I shook my head and threw it on the ground, "Ugh. I don't get it! There's always a twist to the stuff Marshall makes me do, but where's the twist in bumping off this bush.

Marshall appeared floating above me, he hissed, "There _is_ no twist. Kill it. Now!"

I shook my head, "But wh—" There was a roar from behind me and I spun around. The dimple plant was gone. In its place stood a segmented root monster with three fanged mouths. "Oh my Glob," I murmured.

Marshall shook his head and laid back in the air, "You should've hacked it to pieced when it was still adorable..."

"I-I thought..." The plant beast swung a clawed foot at me and I dodged it. I did a roll across the path to grab the axe. I leapt for the monster and slashed a root limb. Juice squirted out and got all up in my mouth. I gagged as my face was consumed with pinches, leaving me with dozens of dimples. I vomited it on the pavement, "Awh, sick!" I felt something rough wrap around my face and I shrieked. The beast popped me in its mouth and I wrestled with its tongue, but it swallowed me. I couldn't breathe or see or hear anything. I tried to scream to Marshall but I was smothered.

I slashed with the axe until i broke through the wall, I emerged panting and held the axe above my head. I was covered in sticky orange goop, Marshall floated over to me, "Hmm. Not bad. For a henchman."

"Hmm," I smiled as he flew around me in the night sky. I figured out his games. I was right, there was always a catch. That's what he was all about, playing with me for the shock value.

"Come on, Fionna," he dove down from the sky and pulled me into an embrace, "There's somewhere I wanna take you, but we won't get there til daybreak. So, rest for now." I wrapped my arms around his neck for security,

"You promise you won't drop me if I fall asleep?"

"I wouldn't kill off a loyal servant," he snorted, "I promise.

When I awoke, the sun was coming up from the horizon, and we landed in a meadow of some sort. "Where are we?" I asked, looking around at the vast garden.

"A strawberry field." He must've gotten an umbrella when I was out, he opened the black skeletal parasol to give himself shade.

"An umbrella? Because the sun can, like, destroy you?"

He nodded, "Yeah, it hurts, but I kinda like it. Reminds me of when I'd scrape my knees up as kid, and my dad would patch me up...you know what I'm sayin'?" _Not really. _I didn't know anything about my parents. Or about any humans other than me.

"Uh, Cake told me I came out of a cabbage." Marshall burst out laughing and I did, too, "I guess that sounds really stupid."

"So, Fionna," his voice grew dark and his eyes glowed red, "I need you to strangle some pixies."

I shrugged, "Yeah, sure. That sounds good, man."

He smiled but rose his eyebrows in surprise, "Whoa, why are you being so casual about that? Strangling pixies is some hardcore evil."

I did a quick backflip and pointed at him, "I'm not fallin' for your junk anymore, mister! You just like sayin' poop that jacks with my brain!"

He looked utterly shocked, "What are you talking about? I..." He shook his head and laughed, "Dang, girl, I didn't think you'd _ever_ catch on!"

I jumped up and down excitedly, "I knew it! Hey... what about your old henchman? Who was that lady?"

Marshall shrugged and drank the red from a strawberry, "Oh, just an old diving buddy. So, you ready to go strangle some pixies?"

"Yeah, man."

"DIE, UNHOLY THING!" screamed Cake as she popped out of the bushes in a strawberry costume. She'd been hiding there for some time, we were just waiting for her. She tossed some garlic at Marshall, he whirled around and got hit in the face and he hissed. He winced in pain and dropped his umbrella.

"Marshall!" I screamed. I ran to his withering body and he began to burn in the sunlight. I knew it was a ruse, but it still panicked me to see him in pain, even if it wasn't for real.

Cake cried out, holding up a wooden stake, "I'm stakin' that vampire and settin' you free, no matter how terrified I am!"

"It's alright, girl, he's alright!" I shouted. _What if the plan went wrong and she hurt him?_

Cake shook her head, "Nuh uh, baby, he's conrolling your mind with evil! Now, back off and let me vanquish him from existence!"

I stepped in front of Marshall's sweltering body, "I can't let you do that, Cake."

She sighed deeply, "I love you, sister." She tackled me and wrestled me to the ground. I squirmed and insisted,

"Cake! Listen! Marshall is not how he seems! He's a radical bloke who likes to play jokes!"

I pushed Cake off but she tackled me again, "What're you even talking about?" I saw Marshall, blistering and moaning, crawl under his umbrella. I kicked Cake off and ran to him, "Oh man, oh man, no!"

Cake slapped me out of the way and cried, "Marshall Lee!" She staked through the umbrella and lifted it up. All to be seen was a wailing black cloud of smoke that disappeared, "Where is he?"

"Oh wow! I'm free! Cake, you faced your fear and saved me," I lied. Cake jumped and danced,

"I did!? Yes! I saved my girl from a scum-sucking vampire!" She pranced away, giggling triumphantly.

I picked up the umbrella and heard a whisper from my backpack, "Is it cool?"

"Yeah, you're all set." A small bat crawl out of my bag and smiled at me,

"Fionna, I owe you big-time! Changing into a bat and hiding in your pack was genius!"

I smiled and shrugged, "That's what henchmen are for, bro."

"Oh, uh, that reminds me. You're fired from your henchman-ship. It's no fun when I can't trick you."

"We're still on for pixie-strangling tomorrow, though, right?" I asked, handing him his umbrella, he took it and began to fly away,

"Definitely." I waved goodbye and he disappeared into the sky.


End file.
